260: Love, Respect, & the Fallacy of Biblical Submission

Jul 23, 2024

Love, Respect, and the Fallacy of Biblical Submission – with Shaun Williams

Biblical submission has been misinterpreted and misunderstood for ages. Today, the topic can be taboo and controversial, which is why we’re going there! I want to bring a balanced viewpoint to a conversation that is worthy of another godly perspective. My husband, Shaun, is back for this episode, and we begin with a candid discussion about decision-making in marriage. How would you define the concept of mutual submission in marriage?

The episode’s engagement with biblical passages about wives’ submission to husbands explores the literal interpretation and application of such scriptures in a modern context. It calls attention to the need for a nuanced understanding of biblical principles and their relevance in contemporary marriages. Both Shaun and I stress the idea that submission in marriage involves both partners surrendering to the greater mission that God has for their relationship. It is not about one partner yielding to the other’s authority, but rather both partners working together and mutually submitting to each other when making decisions. This might challenge the typical male-dominated mindsets of some Christians, but Ephesians 5:21 is clear: “Submitting yourselves one to another as unto Christ” (emphasis mine).

love, respect, fallacy of biblical submission

facebook

Furthermore, our conversation challenges traditional gender roles and expectations in marriage. Shaun expresses his disbelief in the continued practice of male superiority and questions the logic of not listening to a spouse who has a better direction. If the better decision came from the wife, it makes sense to go with that decision and not hold to the husband’s decision just because he is a man. We highlight the changing culture of marriage and urge listeners to reconsider preconceived notions about submission in relationships, not throwing out Biblical principles but seeking greater revelation from the Lord on those principles.

Cultural Appropriation About Submission in Marriage

Shaun and I also address the cultural influences and societal norms that can shape expectations in marriage. The culture in which Paul wrote was a Roman culture, where male dominance was supreme. There was an expectation for women to submit. What was likely more controversial at that time was the command for men to love (something we didn’t get into on the podcast).

It is so important that we learn to discern context when applying biblical principles to modern culture. The Bible is true indeed. We can’t cherry-pick only the Scriptures that we like. I encourage listeners to critically evaluate and redefine their understanding of submission in marriage using the full scope of God’s heart for human flourishing.

When Submission Becomes an Excuse for Control

Moreover, the episode confronts the misuse of submission as an excuse for control or abuse in marriage. We emphasized the ungodliness of using submission as a tool for manipulation and stressed the importance of healthy boundaries in relationships. Every relationship needs boundaries; even healthy ones. Dr. John Townsend (Boundaries in Marriage) wrote, “I have never seen a “submission problem” that did not have a controlling husband at its root. When the wife begins to set clear boundaries in marriage, the lack of Christlikeness in a controlling husband becomes evident because the wife is no longer enabling his immature behavior.” I couldn’t agree more.

I believe conversations like this set a refreshing and much-needed tone by calling out the hypocrisy in demanding submission without showing love and sacrifice. You can’t do one without the other. Submission in marriage is not limited to one perspective. Shaun and I are not perfect in our co-partnership, but we are mutually respectful of each other and defer to one another in decision-making. I believe the expressions and reflections from both a male and a female voice are needed. Of course, at the end of the day, God’s word usurps any human reasoning, but again, we need wisdom to know what was cultural and what is expected today.

In an era where the concept of submission in marriage continues to spark debates and polarized views, my prayer and my hope is to present an empathetic, grace-filled, and open-minded approach to the topic. Our views are our own and not imposed on anyone, but we do have a conviction of what we believe based on how we understand the Word and heart of God.

Surrendering to the Greater Mission

As the conversation progresses, the episode touches upon the theme of personal growth within the context of submission in marriage. Both Shaun and I discuss our journeys of learning to surrender for a greater mission and highlight the transformative nature of mutual submission. I shared a story where I confessed my initial resistance to getting a new car, which caused conflict with Shaun. This honest portrayal of conflict within our marriage highlights the universal reality that disagreements are inevitable in any relationship. We emphasize the importance of addressing conflicts and learning from them. Conflict can be a great teacher, giving us an opportunity for a deeper exploration of submission in marriage.

We concluded this episode with an affirmation from Ephesians 5:15 and an encouragement for listeners to live in the wisdom of the Lord. I am always open to respectful dialogue, even when we disagree, so please feel free to share your respectful and thoughtful opinions below.

Our exploration of submission in marriage not only challenges existing paradigms but also invites listeners to embrace a more compassionate, equitable, and spiritually grounded approach to navigating the complex terrain of marital relationships.